The Talk
by The Un-Wanted Angel
Summary: It's a bond in which every father looks forward to telling his son: The key roll and facts of becoming a man. This just happens to be the same "talk" every teenager dreads. (rated M for saftey)


**Hello Ninja-world full of Naruto lovers :)**** It's another Minato-Naruto Father-son one shot. You all know how much I love to write these :P :3 so sit back and enjoy the one-shot. **

**Title: The "Talk"**

**Summary: It's a bond in which every father looks forward to telling his son: The key roll and facts of becoming a man. This just happens to be the same "talk" every teenager dreads.**

**Rating: M (to be precautious)**

**Disclaimer: No matter how much I try to deny that I don't own Naruto...sadly...I don't own it. **

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Naruto graoned loudly, making sure everyone would atleast turn their heads to watch him thrump and stomp to The Hokage's office. He was pulled out of a really cool mission, for somthing his father wanted to talk about. If it was stupid, he'd kill his father.

"It better be a cool update to the Resangan, or that I've won endless supply of ramen...or I'm gonna' be mad" He mumbled to himself, opening the door, slouching on the red couch, ignoring his father's welcoming smile.

"Ah, I see you've got my message and you came here right away!" Minato smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, what do you need? I'm a busy person you know, Hokage training and all." Naruto mumbled. Minaot softly smiled, there was no such thing as Hokage Training but his son's innocence was so tender and sweet. Speaking of innocenece.

"Naruto, actually there is somthing we need to talk about." Minato got up from his chair, walking to the double doors, closing them and walking over to his son, sitting next to Naruto on the couch. He wasn't sloucking like Naruto was but he dismissed that.

"Naruto...you turned sixteen last week, right?" Minato asked.

"Yeah."

"And have you noticed...a change in anything?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "No...wait!" Minato, smiled hoping he would reply somthing that would relate to the conversation that he started, but insted he was given a smart-ass remark.

"A pesky father annoys me more!" Naruto smiled then he groaned "Now, can I leave?"

"No, Naruto. I want to talk to you, we never talk" Minato said, he felt guilty about that. He was usually working and Naruto would either be on missions or out with friends, and just four years ago he went to train with Jiraiya, they haden't had time for the two of them in a while. A long while.

"Alright, Naruto what I want to talk to you about are the...urges...you'll begin to feel." Minato said. "You will begin to feel...sensations...that you never did as a child." He began. Naruto gulped. He had a talk like this with Jiraiya, accept the "talk" consisted of his god-father pushing him in a pool of naked women and said: "Good luck". Of course Naruto was only twelve at the time, so he had lost some innocene there. He didn't do anything, just cover his eyes and run away.

"And well...Naruto. That's the begining of an errection. And errection is-"

"Okay, okay. I get it, can I leave-now?!" Naruto said, despratly trying to leave the awkward room, but his father pulling on his sleeve, bringing him back to the red couch prevent him from doing so.

"Naruto, it's perfectly normal to have one at your age, every male did. _I had one_ at times-"

"Dad!" Naruto screamed. "Too much info!"

"An errection is when sperm travels from your sacs-or genetials-and travels upward" Minato went on explaining. Sperm, obviously makes, babies" Minato smiled at this, making Naruto blush. He really didn't want to have this talk. "But aside from babies, Naruto. I've noticed you've gotten hair on your legs more and on your chest. I myself only have to shave once or twice a week, so you'll probably have less than that, considering your age."

Naruto tried to ignore everything his father was saying, from thinking of movie clips to even somgs in his head.

"But-I don't want you out having sex at such a young age! If you were to get one of those horrible diseases that were out there, like an STD or Herpies, oh-I just couldn't live with myself" Minato went on his little soap box, forgetting that Naruto was trying to escape, although Minato still kept a death grip on the teenager. The paranoid father still began sprouting out "horrible causes"

"What if you get pulled over by a hooker, and she temps you to have sex with her and nine months later she comes at our doorstep!" He frantically shouted. Minato had an image in his head of Naruto (mind you, he imagined him innocent, and pure) innocently walking down the street when an "evil hooker" preyed a bowl of ramen in Naruto's vision, the little Naru would take the ramen, she'd rape him and ditch him with her kid.

"Nooooooo!" He screamed, then shaking Naruto's shoulder. "Naru! You can't have sex! I forbid it!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. He knew there was no one else in the room, but the amount of embaressment he was feeling was way beyond imagine. He was beat-red and his nuckles were white. He tried to push his father off of him, but failed. Minato had a death cling to his son.

"Naruto...promise me you'll stay a virgin for the rest of your life, Daddy won't tell anyone and we'll keep it a secret!" Minato weeped, his eyes huge with tears.

"No way! Besides it's too late-"

There was a snap and Naruto knew he said the wrong thing.

_"What?!"_

"Look, Dad. I know you want to give me advice on this, but Pervy-sage already said stuff-"

"WHAT DID HE SAY?!" Minato was no shaking Naruto by the shoulders. "WHATEVER THAT PERVERT SAID IT'S A LIE, A LIE! NARUTO, IT'S ALL A LIE!"

"He justtalked to me about how my body was changing and my interest in girls would highten, no biggie. He figured that since you wern't there-" Naruto stopped talking seeing the grey cloud over Minato's head and the depressed mood setting into Minato.

"You mean...you're curropted, your innocence is shattered, becuase I wasn't there? Daddy...can't protect you now?!" Minato weeped.

"'Fraid so." Naruto muttered. Naruto pouted at his father and Minato fade a face of his own, stertching back into the chair, his arms folded over his head, the two of them had a stare-off before Naruto found this redicious and a complete waste of time.

"Look, tou-san. This is getting out of hand, you're already talking in third person and you pulled me out of a mission, I'm leaving I'll be home later and I-"

"Nooooo!" Minato screamed, tackling his son to the floor as Naruto tried to leave. Naruto wiggled from under Minato.

"Dad! Get off!"

"No! Daddy won't let you go! Not anymore!"

"Get off of me!"

"Daddy wants his baby!"

"I'm not a baby!"

Two of the ninjas on the floor stopped arguing when they saw a flash following the click of a camera, their shaddows refelcting on the wall, along with a third shaddow neer the doorway. Both of their horrified minds turned to see Jiraiya smirking, taking more than one picture.

"I call my next book: Incest, Forbidden or just plain hot?!" He continued to snap pictures and from outside the Hokage's tower you could hear picture camera snips and shots of anger, along with kunais hitting each other.

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**Ha, Ha! Sex-talk. Not always turing out the way they're supposed to be. **

**review please :) **

**-The Un-Wanted angel. **


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